Bullying isn’t “kids being kids.” Bullying happens when someone is repeatedly unkind or hurtful on purpose, especially when there’s a power imbalance. Even the most supportive and attentive educators can’t see everything, which means the students who witness bullying hold tremendous power. Bullying prevention starts with empowering students to be upstanders.
In CoolSpeaker Dr. Laura Rizo’s research, teachers shared that students behaved better when social-emotional learning (SEL) was woven into the daily routine and when students felt seen, safe, and supported. When students feel emotionally safe, they’re far more willing to speak up, help their peers, or seek assistance when something feels wrong.
Just like students grow in reading and math, they also grow socially and emotionally. And what we teach a 6-year-old about helping others looks very different from what a 16-year-old needs.
This blog, Dr. Rizo breaks down developmentally appropriate strategies so every student can grow into an upstander, not a passive bystander who watches harm unfold, but a young person who chooses courage, kindness, and care.
Elementary School: Bullying Prevention and Early Courage
Early elementary is where habits are formed. If we teach kindness, empathy, and simple ways to intervene now, those skills become a foundation for bullying prevention that carries into middle and high school. When students learn to be upstanders at this age, we’re not just solving a moment; we’re building a lifelong continuum of care.
Tip 1: Teach the STOP–NAME–TELL Routine
This simple routine gives young children clear language and predictable steps. How it works:
- STOP: Use a hand signal or cue to interrupt the behavior.
- NAME: Say what’s wrong in kid-friendly language.
- TELL: Let a trusted adult know privately. Students at this age often don’t want to feel like “tattletales.”
Example: During 2nd-grade recess, two students exclude a classmate from a game. A peer walks over and says, “Stop. That’s not kind. We can all play.” The excluded classmate joins in, and the upstander later tells the teacher quietly what happened. This routine builds self-awareness, empathy, and early conflict resolution – SEL competencies that continue to develop throughout school.
Tip 2: Use Storytelling to Build Empathy
Books give children a safe window into other people’s emotions. This empathy is one of the most powerful bullying prevention tools. As a counselor, I often used children’s literature to teach specific SEL competencies. How to do it:
- Read stories where characters experience unkind behavior.
- Ask: How would that make you feel? Who helped? What could the character have said or done?
- Let students role-play kinder choices.
Example: Reading Wonder helps students explore inclusion, kindness, and the impact of words. Students begin identifying helpers, naming emotions, and recognizing that their choices can protect someone else. Storytelling plants seeds of empathy that blossom as students mature.
Middle School: Strengthening Identity, Confidence, and Positive Peer Influence
Middle school is one of the most critical developmental stages for SEL. Students are navigating identity, belonging, social pressure, academic transitions, and emotional changes. They rely heavily on peer approval, which makes empowering them even more essential.
When we teach middle schoolers to be upstanders, we shape their identity: I’m someone who helps. I don’t let harm go unnoticed. This fosters responsible decision-making, one of the key emotional-intelligence competencies students need.
Tip 1: Teach Multiple “Safe Upstander Moves”
For bullying prevention among middle school students, they need options that are safe, comfortable, and context-appropriate. Four Upstander Moves:
- Direct: “That’s not okay.”
- Distract: Change the subject to interrupt the moment without confrontation.
- Delegate: Get an adult’s help immediately.
- Document: Screenshot or record cyberbullying (when safe and appropriate).
Example: A 7th grader notices teasing in the hallway. Instead of confronting directly, they walk by and say, “Hey, Coach is looking for you!” The bully leaves, and the student reports the incident to an adult later. These moves avoid putting students in danger while still interrupting harmful behavior. Students often fear being labeled tattletales or being targeted themselves, so giving them multiple options builds courage without increasing risk.
Tip 2: Practice Through Role-Playing
Middle schoolers learn best through practice. Role-play normalizes speaking up and helps them feel prepared. How to do it:
- Use advisory periods or SEL blocks.
- Let students act out real scenarios they’ve witnessed, such as exclusion, rumors, and hurtful texts.
- Ask reflective questions: How did it feel to be the bystander? What changed when someone stepped in?
Example: A class role-plays a scenario where one student says, “You can’t sit with us.” Another student responds, “Actually, there’s enough room. Come sit next to me.”
Role-playing helps students step into the shoes of the bully, the victim, the bystander, and the upstander. They see the ripple effect of their silence and their courage. And yes, there is such a thing as positive peer pressure, especially for bullying prevention.
High School: Developing Leadership, Advocacy, and Real-World Skills
High schoolers are more like young adults than children. They’re preparing for college, careers, and real-world decisions. Their school culture and how they treat one another will follow them into young adulthood.
Most school mission statements don’t aim to produce only academically successful students; they aim to produce well-rounded humans. High school is the time to deepen upstander skills so students can lead and advocate long after graduation.
Tip 1: Build Youth-Led, Adult-Supported Upstander Teams for Bullying Prevention
Students listen to peers more than anyone else. When students lead the movement, it works. What this looks like:
- A student-run Upstander Council or Positive Peer Group
- Campaigns around kindness, safety, and belonging
- PSA videos or TikToks created by students
- Morning greeters with a positive poster
- Mentorship between high schoolers and younger grades
Example: A leadership group creates a “Kindness Week” during Dating Violence Awareness Month, producing videos, posters, and short announcements highlighting how to speak up safely, especially in digital spaces. These teams help build campus culture around bullying prevention and students’ own real-world skills for college and beyond.
Tip 2: Teach Social Courage
By high school, bullying often shows up as social isolation, cyberbullying, rumor-spreading, and dating violence. Students must learn to intervene safely, even online, to have an effective impact on bullying prevention.
Example: A senior sees a harmful social-media post targeting a younger student. Instead of ignoring it, he comments, “Take it down. That’s not cool.” His voice carries weight, and the post is removed.
Social courage is advocacy in action. It’s teaching students to stand for what’s right, even when the situation isn’t easy.
Upstanders Are Made, Not Born
Bullying prevention isn’t just about stopping harmful behaviors; it’s about building students’ capacity to protect one another, advocate for themselves, and create communities of care.
Dr. Laura Rizo’s research on SEL implementation reinforces one truth: Students are more likely to take positive action when the school culture prioritizes emotional safety, strong relationships, and consistent social-emotional learning.
Teachers play a vital role in modeling confidence and communication. Administrators shape the systems and culture that make upstanding behavior possible. Each of us contributes to a community where students feel safe enough to speak up.
What’s one upstander strategy you can implement this week? And if your campus wants deeper support, through keynotes, SEL workshops, school-wide culture development, or student leadership programming, CoolSpeak and Dr. Laura Rizo would love to partner with you to build a community where every student feels safe, supported, and empowered to do the right thing.
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